This week’s Creative Spark is from Practicing Oneness, Gentle encouragement and inspiration for choosing love instead of fear and connection instead of separation . . . by Ann Strong
Connecting More Deeply
After a recent “miscommunication” with my boyfriend, I remembered
John Gray’s book, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,” When I first read
it, I felt stunned to learn that men often didn’t understand me because they
speak a different language. I thought we
all spoke English. What I didn’t
realize: each person perceives the same situation differently. Often, quite differently!
For example, generally, if a man tells a man about a problem, they
both know he wants help finding a solution to that problem. If a woman tells a woman about a problem,
they usually both understand she wants to talk, will feel better from talking
and does not necessarily want help finding a solution. Of course you can see the mess a man and a
woman could get into if they don’t understand each other’s different
needs. You may even have experienced
that mess first-hand!
To avoid falling into that hole, it’s helpful to listen for clues
about where the other person is coming from. The next few times you share problems with others, see if you notice
different types of responses from men than from women. See if you can detect if they made
assumptions about where to take the conversation. Perhaps even ask them if they made any
Develop the habit of reminding yourself to learn where another
person is coming from, rather than assuming you know. If you get triggered or charged by the
direction of the conversation, why not use that as an opportunity to take a
deep breath and find out more? Ask
questions. “I hadn’t thought of it like
that before. I’m curious, how did you
come to that conclusion?” “Could you
tell me more?” “What is that like for
you?” The more we choose first to
understand and then to be understood, the more we’ll create deep, meaningful
connections with others.
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